Alone Together
by postoffice
Summary: 23-year-old Clare Edwards has a dream job but a lonely life. Her work distances her from her friends and her inexperience at love leads to failure. She meets cynical and arrogant Eli Goldsworthy at an unexpected time and soon begins to fall in love with him. But the feeling may not be mutual.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is an AU fic based on how Clare's life would be if Julia never died and Eli never went to Degrassi. Jake would still be her step-brother but they never dated because she never had a reason to go after him since she was never with Eli. Her character is much more reserved and inexperienced than it would have been under Eli's influence. ****But I think that, no matter what, she and Eli would cross paths...just at a different time in their lives. **

**I'm really insecure about my writing and reviews would let me know if people are reading this/if I should continue writing. So, please, a review of any sort would be much appreciated.**

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Chapter 1

"I had a good time, Clare."

The look on Jeremy's face told me that a second date was out of the question. As much as I found him attractive and charming, I couldn't help but feel relieved since I didn't have any romantic feelings for him. He saw me as a friend - like all the others. I don't even remember how it was we ended up going on a date.

"Same here," I smiled. "I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Goodnight," he said, looking at me as if trying to decide whether he should kiss me or not.

He left after a giving me a brief hug and although I didn't want to kiss him, it hurt that he had to consider it at first and decided not to in the end.

I walked inside my apartment and threw myself onto the couch, replaying what went wrong with the date. But my train of thought was soon interrupted by a call.

It was my editor.

"Claudia, I need to know if you're the one I assigned to write that story on the park fundraiser. I can't remember if it was you or Alicia."

"It's Clare, sir, and it was Alicia."

"Right, right," he breathed. "I know this is sudden but a new story just came up. There's going to be another fundraiser in downtown tomorrow. The Mayor will be there."

Tomorrow night? I get Saturday nights off. I was supposed to spend it with Alli and Jenna for Jenna's birthday.

"I guess I'll do it."

"Great. I'll e-mail you the details. I expect a story by Sunday morning."

I texted Alli that I wouldn't be able to make it and I called the flower shop to make sure that they'd send Jenna flowers tomorrow morning. I haven't been with them in a month and tomorrow night was supposed to be a reunion and celebration.

My love life wasn't the only thing dead; anything besides work was failing. There are days when I don't want to do anything because I feel too upset to see people. I've been trying really hard to distract myself but work takes up most of my free time. The Interpreter was my dream job but it was also a nightmare at times.

Alli texted back that it was okay and that we could schedule another reunion. She also mentioned that it would have been awkward for me since both Jenna and she were going to bring their boyfriends.

The last real boyfriend I had was in college. Liam was in a band and majored in journalism as well. He was nice and very attractive but in the third month of our relationship, he became distant. It was then that I realized he was harboring feelings for Zoey, a girl who worked at the coffee shop where his band played at. She was in my ethics class and we only spoke once - I could tell why Liam liked her. He soon broke up with me. A week later, I saw Zoey and Liam sucking face at the library. It hurt me much more than the time KC left me for Jenna when I was 14 and extremely sensitive.

The last guy, prior to my date with Jeremy, was Mark. He was the friend of the Interpreter's photographer, Johnny. We met at a holiday party and he was really into me at first. We went on several dates which made me think we were in a relationship. But Mark eventually clarified that what we had was meaningless when he tried to take things further with me. Mark was much more experienced than I was and didn't want to wait for a "prude" like me. We put an end to our fling on Valentine's Day when he used the I-only-see-you-as-a-friend-unless-we-have-sex excuse. After that, he called me three times but I ignored those calls. I guess he got the hint.

I turned on the television and settled down for a channel showing Casablanca. The entire time I saw Rick lovingly stare at Ilsa, I kept thinking to myself about how lonely I was. My parents and step-parents were living the way they intended without their grown children in the way. Jake was engaged. Darcy was living with her own family in Africa. And my friends were slowly starting to move on with their lives and accept that I was being left behind in my work.

I wanted someone who would watch this old film with me - who cared about me enough to ask how my day was. I couldn't remember if I even had that with Liam or Mark. I just needed somebody.

But, deep down, I was starting to accept that maybe I wasn't cut out to fall in love.

Maybe this is all my life will ever be.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I don't have a busy life as it is so it'll be easier to update. But I do have some other work to do that I might as well get a head start on. But reviews motivate me to write! **

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Chapter 2

"It's a ball, Clare," Jeremy laughed at my attire. "Just because you're a journalist, it doesn't mean you have to dress like a nun."

It had been a night after we went on a date and his friendly remarks confirmed that what we had last night was a one-time thing. We were now back to where we belonged - co-workers who tolerated each other.

"Can you imagine walking up to people and asking to interview them in a cocktail dress, though?"

"You'd have a higher chance of getting a yes."

"Yeah, well, you know the number one rule," I playfully deadpanned. "Never interview sexy people."

"But that's the best part of this job, if you ask me," Jeremy laughed and walked away to find his sources.

He was supposed to gather quotes from the Mayor and I was to interview anyone important at the fundraiser. It was full of powerful and wealthy people. So, in some inferior sense, it was overwhelming, considering that anyone who's anyone in Toronto was at the event.

After an hour, I found Jeremy sitting at a table with a group of people. This always happened every time we worked on a story. He fooled around and I worked my ass off.

I then noticed that Jeremy nodded at me, signaling that he had already gathered his quotes. I now felt even more pressured to quickly get my quotes. I wanted to go home and work on the story so I could at least get in four hours of sleep.

I pulled Jeremy aside to ask what he gathered and what type of angle we were shooting for.

"It turns out that there's going to be a huge donation from a play coming up. The money is going to go to some public schools around the area. I think the play-writer is here, I just don't know what he looks like."

"The name is what I need."

"I didn't catch his first name. I couldn't hear the Mayor well enough. All I know is that his last name is Goldsworthy. He's new so it may be hard to find him but if you can't find him, we could always write about this fundraiser itself," Jeremy said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "You've interviewed some people, right?"

"Of course I did. I just don't want to aim for an angle that all the other papers are going to cover. Tom won't be happy."

"Alright. Well, just remember we have a backup," Jeremy dismissed.

It annoyed me that I had to work with people like this - people who always settled for the easiest solution.

I took out my phone and tried to search up the guy. He didn't have any pictures online, which made me think he was a really reserved person. His named turned out to be Eli. I asked around a few times to see if anyone knew him. Most were surprised that Goldsworthy was there at the fundraiser and others never heard of him.

It wasn't until the bartender told me that he may have heard a name similar to that but that he saw him exit with a friend a while ago. I began to give up hope and it was getting late. Jeremy told me he was going to leave to get a head start at the story since the search seemed rather hopeless.

People were beginning to leave and I took that as a sign to go as well.

I walked towards the door and fumbled through my purse to put my tape recorder and notepad back into my bag. But I was so distracted that I didn't look up and collided into somebody's back.

"Watch it."

I looked up and saw a very annoyed, and handsome, man glaring at me. For the first time that entire night, I finally found someone who looked as if he didn't want to be there.

"I'm sorry," I said, reaching down to pick up my purse. "I should have been paying more attention."

He turned his back to me and resumed talking to his friend.

"This is the reason why I hate social events."

Okay. Well he clearly didn't like to be bothered. And as much as I wanted to leave him alone and not annoy him anymore, I decided to mustered up the courage to ask my burning question.

"Hi, excuse me," I said, and he turned around, very unamused. "You don't happen to be Eli Goldsworthy, do you?"

"Depends on who you are and what you want," he smirked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm a reporter for the Interpreter-"

The look on his face turned stern and he took a step away from me.

"Interpreter? Didn't you guys write a review about my play a year ago - saying that it was 'too banal'?"

"Maybe, I wouldn't know to be honest. I began working there four months ago. I was wondering if I could interview you very quickly."

"Not in the mood, sorry," he said hurriedly, shooing me to leave.

"Please, I need this," I said, ashamed that I was practically begging.

"Adam," he said.

His friend intervened and gently said, "Sorry but he doesn't like being interviewed. I'm sure your editor will understand."

"Well, not all of us are successful play-writers who have the privilege to say no," I said frustratingly, facing both of them.

He turned his back against me again - leaving me with words in mouth.

I felt very embarrassed. I didn't want to be near him anymore. He was arrogant, rude and so inconsiderate. And despite my hurt feelings, it didn't matter for now. I had an article to worry about.

I walked away but as I exited the doors, I had the feeling that someone was staring at me.

But I was too angry to care.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Eli's character won't be as head-over-heels with Clare in the beginning like in most fanfics. He's not going to be a complex character, per-say, but he'll have complex feelings.**

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Chapter 3

"Jenna ended up leaving me and Dallas at the restaurant so we headed out to watch a movie."

Alli was telling me about Jenna's birthday last week. It was a Friday night and I finally had some time to relax. I called Alli, wanting to hang out with her, but she told me she was sick so we settled down for a phone conversation.

"Anyways, how was your week?" she asked.

"Repetitive," I breathed. "It's the same routine. The highlight of my week was actually Saturday night-"

"Ooh! Sounds interesting-"

"Let me finish," I laughed. "I had to write this story on some fancy fundraiser downtown. I needed to interview this huge play-writer but it turns out he's an asshole. He shooed me away when I asked to interview him. Out of all the people I've ever interviewed, he was one of the rudest."

"He must be really famous then," Alli attempted to reason.

"I don't think so. He's just very...I think he just hates people."

"That's tragic. Well, I'm going to sleep now. I have work tomorrow and I can't miss another day. We should hang out next week, it's been too long."

"It has," I agreed. "Goodnight, Alli."

I looked at my clock and remembered that bookstore closed at 10. I had nothing to do so I decided to look for a book Kathy, a co-worker who shared similar interests with me, recommended.

I put on a coat and didn't bother to dress nicely. It was a 15-minute walking distance and I had no one to impress.

"Hi, Clare."

I turned around and saw my neighbor, Becky, with letters in her hand.

"Hey, Becky. How's your night?"

"Boring. My parents were supposed to visit me tonight but they have a church gathering to attend."

"Sorry," I said sincerely. "I'm going to head out, see you later."

"Bye, Clare, be safe!"

Becky was one of the nicest people I ever met. She was very reserved and religious. After my parents divorced, I distanced myself from attending church. When my mom remarried, she stopped saying Grace before dinner. Glen and Jake weren't religious so as time passed, I found my practice dead but my faith still steady.

By the time I reached the book store, I was glad since it had started to rain.

"Hi, welcome to Liberty Books," a woman with thick-framed glasses and curly hair said.

I nodded in appreciation to her politeness and asked, "Did the new order of _Factotum_ arrive?"

"Just two days ago, you'll find it over there, on the right," she said nicely, walking to attend another needy customer.

I tried not to gasp when I saw that one of the three people in the area was familiar. It was Goldsworthy. He was surveying some books in the aisle, a lonely look on his face. I didn't know if I pitied him or if I understood the feeling he had.

My first thought was to get the book I needed and run away. But I realized that was a stupid idea and I decided to just turn around and walk away.

"What? You still need that interview?"

I turned around and saw him facing me. He didn't seem angry but his eyes were cold.

"It is a book store and I do like to read," I replied sternly, crossing my arms.

He shook his head, resumed looking at the bookcases and said, "What book are you looking for?"

"Bukowski."

"Ah,_ Factotum_ is a great read," he smirked.

I ignored him and decided to search for what I needed as soon as possible. He tapped on my shoulder and I saw in his hands the book I needed. I took the book without a word and my conscience was telling me to thank him at least but I was too afraid to speak.

"What? No 'thank you'?" he asked haughtily.

"Thanks," I said dully, grasping on the hem of my jacket out of nervousness.

He observantly looked at me, messy hair framing his face. I frowned for a moment at the realization that my knees felt weak once our eyes met.

I was about to walk away but when I took a step away, he said, "How did your article turn out?"

"Excuse me?"

"The one about the fundraiser. You said that you needed my interview, I don't know what for, but how did it go?"

"If you read any stories, related to it, in the Sunday paper, it was like that: unoriginal, repetitive."

He took a step towards me and for a moment, a look of concern appeared on his face. But the moment disappeared. He scratched his chin and I bit the inside of my cheek, trying not to seem fazed by his presence.

"Did you get in trouble with your boss?" he cleared his throat.

"What are you? A journalist?"

He laughed and shook his head.

"I'm curious. I felt kind of bad for the way I treated you. My friend Adam was giving me crap about how much of a jerk I was. It was a bad night for me."

"Understandable," I said neutrally, taking a step back. "Well, Mr. Goldsworthy-"

"Not even my father is called Mr. Goldsworthy," he said defensively, wrinkling his nose. "You'd be doing me a huge favor if you just call me Eli."

"Well, Eli, I should leave you now," I softly smiled at him. "Goodbye."

"Before you go, I want to let you know that the opening night for my play is next Friday," he said, searching his pockets. "I mean, some journalists are going to cover it. One of them should at least be a person who I treated like shit and who likes Bukowski."

"That'd be great," I said gratefully, reaching out to hug him.

"Yeah, yeah," he snorted, taking a step back. "I don't have the information with me but give me your card and I'll give it to my friend Adam. He'll contact you."

"I don't have a card," I admitted nervously, crestfallen that I didn't remain professional. "I'll give you my number and e-mail, however."

I took a pen and notepad out of my pocket and scribbled down my information. I handed it to him and he observed it before stuffing it in his pocket.

"Clare...'_Herself grow Eden once again, possest of Love and thee_'," he said hoarsely, smiling a bit. "Like John Clare, the poet."

His green eyes were shining in a questionable emotion I feared to label as friendliness. But despite my fear, and despite my pessimism, I became lost in them.

"Yes, the poet."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Sorry for not updating regularly but I've been confused where to go with this. I promise I'll update weekly from now on! Maybe I'll post the next chapter this Friday?**

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Chapter 4

"Cut!" Eli yelled, standing up from his chair to walk towards me.

Adam, Eli's friend, informed me that the play had been canceled since one of the main actors had to attend a funeral. There was a new understudy and, as a replacement for the favor Eli promised me, he invited me to watch the cast and its new addition rehearse.

"So, what do you think?" Eli asked, surveying the cast with reserved judgement.

"Considering that I never saw the previous actor, I'd say it's really great."

"Yeah, well, they can't be replaced, only substituted," he said, smirking.

"Nice to know you see things that way."

I tried to keep my eyes focused on my notepad but I still felt him staring at me. I had no choice but to look up and say something to distract the moment.

"So, I didn't get to read Factotum because my friend made me read Ham on Rye instead."

"What! You should have saved Ham on Rye for last. It's his best," Eli said emphatically, turning around to the nearest snack table for an apple. "I gotta be honest with you - you don't seem like a Bukowski reader."

I didn't know how to take that since Eli barely knew me. A part of me wanted him to believe that I was naive and innocent because I wanted to be that person to prove him wrong and impress him, perhaps. But the latter was that I felt insulted and didn't want to be taken by first impressions.

"I'll admit it was kind of hard to get through at first but it was so raw and depressing. I loved it."

"Yeah, he's probably my favorite author," Eli chuckled, turning around when a girl called his name.

"Chris is complaining about Act II, he says it's too 'simple.'"

"Chris is so whiny," Eli said, rolling his eyes. "This was never a problem with Dave. I need to go talk to him."

I was left alone. It amused me how invested Eli was in this. There was something different about him and I think it was that he lacked a lot of things that typically held most people back.

"How's the info-gathering going?"

I turned to my side and saw Adam smiling at me.

"Pretty good. I think I'm just about done," I said, putting away my stuff.

"Wow, you must have a sixth sense or something because I was just about to ask you to leave - kindly, of course!" Adam laughed gently.

"Yeah, it's no problem," I smiled, waving a goodbye. "Thanks for this opportunity. It means a lot."

"Hey, you're leaving already?" Eli said, returning.

"Yeah. Thanks, Eli, for this."

"Adam, Anya, Chris Tristian and I are going out for dinner. You want to come along?"

"I don't know, it'd feel like I'm intruding-"

"Nonsense! The only person who'd be intruding is Chris. We're only inviting him to be polite," Adam rolled his eyes.

"Um, okay," I smiled.

I looked at Eli when I responded but he didn't look excited or as happy as I wanted him to be. His countenance was professional and I was starting to feel that every interaction between us was just that.

* * *

"The food here is subpar. I know a great restaurant on the corner of 5th. We should have gone there instead," Chris said, stuffing another bite of pasta in his mouth.

"Don't pay attention to him when he says something; when he's ignored, he shuts up," Tristian whispered to me, playfully winking.

"So, Clare, how long have you been a journalist?" Anya looked up at me.

"Oh, not too long. Practically a year."

"Shit, they sent a rookie to interview me?" Eli chuckled.

"Easy there, Ego Goldsworthy," Adam said and we all laughed.

"Which part are you from?" Anya asked.

"Right here in Toronto,"

"Did you go to Degrassi? You remind me of someone...KC Guthrie? Ring a bell?"

"Yeah, I did, he was my boyfriend. Did you go there?"

"All of us! Except Chris, he's a New York boy," Adam laughed.

"Really? This is so strange. I don't remember seeing any of you, except Anya. Were you a cheerleader?"

"Yeah, she was, Eli and I used to hangout at the back of the school and Tristian was always hiding in the band room," Adam said.

"It's like I knew right then and there that the arts is where I belong," Tristian grinned.

"Those were the days," Eli sighed, taking out his wallet. "I'm tired. We should get going. You know what they say - early to bed, early to rise."

"I could pay for my meal," I offered.

"I invited everyone out, I pay, Edwards," he smirked, placing money on the table.

We all walked out and after Anya left with Tristian and Chris, I was getting ready to say goodbye to Eli and Adam.

"I'm going to get the car," Adam said, leaving Eli and I alone.

"Come on, Edwards, I'll walk you to your car," Eli said, smiling softly.

I began to feel nervous and didn't know what to say while we walked. I tried to think of an excuse to see him again but I also wanted that to never happen because I felt some sort of attachment to him beginning to develop.

"So, are you interested in seeing the play? It's not opening night or anything exactly but since you haven't seen it, you should check it out."

I couldn't fight the smile off my face because it started to feel like he wanted to see me again.

"I'd like that. It's just a question of when - work is really unpredictable sometimes."

"This Friday at 7:00. Be there."

"Is that an order?" I tried to to keep the flirty tone out of my voice.

"Not really, it's an expectation," Eli chuckled, reaching a stop.

I realized we were at my car and this was the moment to say goodbye until Friday, that is. I waved at him and he left. I got inside my car and as soon as he was out of sight, I hit my head against the steering wheel.

I liked him.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you for the review, ForverInYourArms!**

**Friday's episode hit me hard and writing was a nice distraction. Tell me what you think!**

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Chapter 5

I checked my phone and had two texts from Alli and Jake, both asking how I was. I decided to reply later on.

It had been a week since I saw Eli. I went to his play last night but left once I saw how busy he was afterwards, surrounded by many fans and friends. Especially the pretty costume designer who wouldn't let go of him and put a smile on his face every time she giggled or whispered something into his ear.

I texted him once the play began that I was there but I got no response and I know he saw my message because when he wasn't looking at people, he was looking at his phone.

I've always been the passive type. I never confront my emotions because I'm always afraid of embarrassment and rejection. I remember asking KC if we could work things out, a day after we broke up, and right when he was about to explain himself, an angry girl I've never seen before came at the door, wearing KC's shirt.

With Eli, nothing had amounted to anything yet and I was already jealous. It didn't mean anything good and I knew I had to quickly forget about him.

It was just a story I had to write, I reminded myself.

I stopped by an old cafe that's been around since I was in high school. It was morning so there weren't any teenagers there. I took out my computer and decided to work on my stories while I waited for my food.

"Clare?"

I looked up and saw Adam smiling at me.

"Hey, Adam, what are you doing here?"

"Eli sent me to buy coffee," He took a seat across from me. "Did you go to the play last night? I think I saw you."

"Yeah, I did go," I said, trying to hide the sadness in my voice.

"Why didn't you come backstage to say hi?"

"Oh, you know, it was a Friday and I wanted to go home and rest," I looked at my hands, knowing I was a terrible liar.

"Order for Torres?" the waiter said from the counter.

"Well, I got to go," Adam blushed and almost walked away but then came back to my table, "Say, are you doing anything this Friday night?"

Oh no. Was he asking me on a date?

"I don't know, being a journalist isn't exactly predictable. Why?" I softly smiled, trying to be nice.

"It's just that...I need a favor from you, since you work for The Interpreter and all."

I nodded at him to go on.

"I'm in this band, Whisperhug, and it's not anything too serious but we're trying to land a gig and we need major publicity, good or bad. I know that Lenny Stevens, the music critic, writes for you guys so if you could ask him to see us perform this Friday at the local amphitheater, we'd really appreciate it."

I let out a laugh of relief and embarrassment on my part, for thinking that Adam would ask me on a date. When I looked back at Adam, he seemed worried.

"I know Lenny. I've done so many favors for him it's almost a definite yes that he'll be there," I said, happily.

"For a second, I thought I went too far for asking this," Adam breathed. "Well, I'd like to stick around and chat but Eli will kill me if I show up late with his precious latte."

"Understood."

"Thanks again, Clare. You're the best."

* * *

"The story is getting so many online hits," my editor said to me, approaching with a paper full of stats.

"I'm glad, sir."

"I've underestimated you, Edwards. Keep up the good work."

I turned back to my work but Kathy came to my desk with a huge smile and placed her hands on my shoulder, hugging me enthusiastically.

"What's the good news?" I asked.

"New hot guy at work, you're going to die when you see him!"

It was moments like these when I understood why Kathy was my best friend. She was just like Alli and Jenna in small ways.

"Who?"

"His name is Michael. He's a new graphic designer. Bluish-greenish eyes, brown hair and a beautiful voice. He's so charming!"

"What about Kevin?" I teased, referencing to Kathy's boyfriend.

"Please, I can look at other people," Kathy rolled her eyes. "I'm excited for you, silly! You should go on a date with him!"

"Kathy, I haven't breathed the same air as the guy and you're already playing matchmaker."

Kathy looked back and sighed angrily, "Darn, Christine's already flirting with him by the water cooler. Ten bucks says she'll sleep with him by this weekend."

"Well, it's not our business who she decides sleep with, now get back to work," I shooed Kathy away, smiling at her humor.

My phone buzzed and I saw a text from Eli, I wanted to ignore it but I couldn't resist and opened the message.

_Barely saw this text. My service sucks. Sorry that I didn't get to greet you. Did you enjoy the play?_

I let out an involuntary laugh, happy that he didn't know I was there - disproving my theory of him deliberately ignoring me.

_That used to happen to me a lot. Just restart your phone to fix it. I saw Adam this morning and told him I thought it was wonderful. Good job._

I finished my work and gathered my stuff to leave, when I reached the elevator, I felt my phone buzz against my pocket.

_Thanks, that means a lot. He told me he saw you. I want to say thanks for the favor you're doing for him. He's really passionate about his band and, speaking as a judgmental asshole, they're pretty talented. _

I forgot about asking Lenny and rushed back to my office finding him there, talking to Michael, who immediately looked up and smiled at me.

"Hey, Lenny, busy this Friday?"

"Finally asking me on a date, Clare?" Lenny laughed playfully,

"Sadly not," I giggled. "I have a band you should cover. They're pretty good and I know this is such late notice but maybe you can post the review on your personal blog?"

"This sounds like a favor you're doing for someone," Lenny crossed his arms, a teasing smile on his lips. "I ought to warn you, though, I'm going to be brutally honest."

"Understandable," I smiled. "Thank you."

"No problem," he said and turned to Michael, "Clare, have you met this cool new guy?"

Michael stood up straight and gave me a friendly nod. Kathy was right. Normally, I'd be embarrassed for being around such a handsome guy but I had Eli in the back of my mind. As much as I hated having my feelings limited to someone I barely knew, I'd rather it be that than thinking of my new attractive coworker in a romantic way.

"I've heard. Graphic designer?" I smiled at Michael, extending my hand. "Welcome. The coffee here is excellent."

"Thanks," he smiled, stepping closer to me. "You have pretty eyes."

"Oh," I blushed, surprised by such an offhand compliment and greeting. "Thank you."

I looked at Lenny and I could see him stifling a laugh. Michael wouldn't take his eyes off me and I didn't know how to properly exit. Meanwhile, my face turned redder and redder.

"I have to go now, goodbye!" I finally said.

I walked away, hearing Lenny's laugh and Michael uttering a 'what?'

Attempting distraction, I sent Eli a message telling him how it was no big deal and to have Adam call me for more details. Not less than 5 minutes, I looked at my phone and saw another text from Eli.

_Do you like Jean-Luc Godard? There's this screening of Breathless playing tonight. I know it's last minute but we should catch up, as friends, of course._

He said 'as friends' and I felt a small pang in my heart but decided that maybe just being friends with Eli will work out.

And so, I replied:

_Yes, I love him._


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I'm glad to see that some are following/favoriting this, but a review would be even more appreciated! Thanks. Hope you all had a great weekend!**

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Chapter 6

The first thing I did when I got home was shower. When I finished, I spent about an hour trying to decide what to wear. If Eli would have asked me yesterday, I would've have taken longer trying to decide this but since he let me know on such short notice, and I had just one hour left until I had to meet him at the theater, I was forced to hurry.

I settled down for a simple navy dress and wore a thick cardigan over it. I decided to put my hair up and took a bolder turn with my makeup, trying to look different outside of work. I knew I shouldn't put too much effort since we were going out as friends but I couldn't fight the urge to want to look nice and possibly attract Eli.

More than anything, I wanted to push my attraction for him aside and focus on becoming good friends but I knew that my options were slim. Either I try to put my feelings aside - and the only way is through avoiding him - or I become good friends with him and become even more attracted.

I decided that giving it a shot would be worth it. I've had my heart broken before. What's another slow and painful experience?

When I stepped out of my apartment, Becky was coming up to hers, looking as if she came back from the gym.

"Wow, someone's going out on some great date," Becky said, all smiles. "You look really beautiful, Clare."

"Oh, Becky, I'm not going on a date, I," I paused, disappointed that I looked like I was trying really hard. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"If you were going out with a guy _as friends_ but you wanted to be more than friends, is this how you should look?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like you're trying hard to look good."

Becky looked at me, hard, and then let out with a small laugh.

"Clare, if you want to be more than friends, you _should_ look good," she said, opening her door. "Besides, why can't you look good for yourself? You are going out in public. Have fun."

She entered and I was left with so much confusion. I shouldn't even care. I don't want to. Going out is a bad idea. I should just avoid him, as if he'd ever be into me.

My train of thoughts was interrupted by a text.

_Can't wait to see you. We have some catching up to do._

Crap.

* * *

"Eli?"

He turned around and he looked so casual, so careless. Despite him looking like he just got out of bed, he still looked handsome. I felt stupid for looking like I put so much effort.

"Edwards, ready for some Godard?"

"Of course," I smiled.

We walked to the ticket booth and I was about to step in line but Eli cut me off.

"I invite, I pay," he smirked, making me involuntary suck in a deep breath. "You buy the snacks. Deal?"

"Snacks are cheaper, these tickets are expensive," I argued.

"Snacks are not cheaper when you have someone with my appetite ordering," he said persuasively, moving towards the booth.

I stepped outside of the line and waited. When Eli returned, he gave me my ticket and we walked towards the concession stand. Eli lied and only ordered a drink. I didn't order anything but felt that I had to since I didn't even pay a fourth of what Eli did, considering that he bought us good seats. The good seats didn't matter in the end because the theater was practically empty and only old couples and a few young adults were there - mostly male.

When we took our seat, I said, "Next time, I'm paying."

"Who said there's going to be a next time?" Eli said, in a serious tone that threw me off guard.

"Oh."

"I'm kidding," Eli laughed, noticing my discomfort. "Adam was going to come tonight but he canceled for band practice since he really wants to impress Lenny."

I smiled but wanted to frown, knowing that this truly was just a friendly outing because Adam was supposed to be here. This tarnished my personal desire of Eli using this 'friendly' hangout as an excuse for a date.

"He'll do fine, I can already sense his talent," I slightly slumped in my seat, pressing my head against my hand.

"So what did you do for this Lenny guy that made him available for this favor?" Eli said, digging a finger in my shoulder and causing me to sit up straight. "According to Adam, he's pretty exclusive."

"I slept with him," I deadpanned.

Eli's eyes bulged out but soon noticed that I was kidding when I started to laugh.

"Payback," I said teasingly. "But, in all seriousness, I've gotten him so many sources it's not even funny."

"Glad to know you have a sense of humor," he sighed, turning his face to the screen as the movie began.

* * *

"You know, I kind of wanted to be a journalist after I saw this movie. I mean, I know Patricia wasn't actually one but she aspired to become one and it gave me some thought," I told Eli as we exited out of the theater.

"And I want to be a criminal after Michel."

"Are you never serious?" I scoffed, amused.

"Come on, cut me some slack. I have to be serious every single day. No one takes directions from a sarcastic guy unless he somewhat insults them," Eli said, taking out a cigarette. "Want one?"

"Don't smoke, even though it's a classy way to commit suicide."

"Ah, I didn't know you like Vonnegut," Eli smiled, taking his phone out. "A friend of mine mailed me this for my last birthday."

It was a picture of an autographed Vonnegut poster.

"Oh my gosh, I hate you," I gasped, awestruck and slightly jealous. "That's really amazing. You have a great friend."

"Yeah, well, she has money and likes to spend it. She's in New York, though."

"That's nice. Seems like you two still keep in touch."

"We're kind of forced to, too. Her girlfriend has been my costume and set designer for all of my winter plays. When she's not, she goes back to New York and part-times as an architects. She's really talented, you should meet her."

Costume designer? Friend's girlfriend? Oh. I connected the parts and realized that the pretty girl I saw with Eli the other night was just a friend. I couldn't help but feel relieved.

"She seems interesting."

We crossed several streets, aimlessly walking. I was confused, wondering if we were heading somewhere or if we just walked and walked as an attempt to spent more silent, meaningful time together. There was something about Eli that made me feel that I didn't have to put an effort to make conversation but if I had to, it was easy and natural. I kept sneaking peripheral glances at him and he, with his hands stuffed in his pockets, only looked straight ahead. At one point, I stared at him - for what I think was a minute - waiting for him to look at me and break the silence. But he never did.

We walked in a circle, ending up in front of the theater again and I grew sad at the thought of this being the end of the night.

"Are you hungry? I wouldn't mind going for some pizza or something," Eli abruptly said, throwing his cigarette away.

"Sure," I said calmly, hiding my feelings of content.

We reached a lonely pizza parlor and sat in a booth located in the corner. As we ate, Eli kept mentioning stuff about his play and how he got into play writing. I talked about my job but didn't go into too much detail.

At one point, Eli asked me about my family and friends. There wasn't much to say except that my parents were divorced and that I haven't heard from my father in years. My mom and step-dad were probably vacationing in the States and Jake was busy planning his wedding with his fiancé, Katie.

Eli said his parents were at home and his dad was working as a veteran disc jockey. All his friends were simply the ones he has mentioned to me.

We cracked a few jokes in between and talked about plays and films. Then books. Overall, I had a lighter taste than Eli did. He was into so much angst and depth.

"Mind if I ask you something?" I said, changing topics.

He looked up and back down at his hands, as if he was unfazed and fearless of what I would ask.

"Shoot."

"Why did you invite me out?" I asked, and saw Eli raise his eyebrows in confusion. "I-I'm just asking this because when I first met you, you seemed like a really distant person, as if you don't like having many friends. And I hope I'm not being forward but I feel like we're becoming good friends."

A smile slowly spread on his face. He stayed quiet for a moment, thinking how he was going to answer.

"You're right. I am a distant person. I just...I guess after that day in the book store, you were sarcastic and wanted to read Bukowski. As weird as this sounds, I guess I kind of saw some similarities between me and you which is funny because you wear floral and-"

"What's wrong with the way I dress," I interrupted, a bit too defensively.

"Nothing, nothing. It's just that - how do I say this?" he said hesitantly, scratching his head. "You're different than the first impression you gave me."

I didn't know how to respond and bit my lip, trying to resist either a frown or smile.

"I think I understand. I mean, if I didn't know you were a playwright, I probably would have judged you differently."

"What would you think a guy, who wears all black and acts like an asshole when you bump into him, be like then?"

"An asshole who wears all black, I guess."

Eli laughed really hard - so much he ended up coughing.

"I like you, Edwards."

He said this but in the most platonic way and, when I heard that, it was the biggest split of emotions I could've felt. Happiness and disappointment.

"You're alright," I wrinkled my nose and laughed.

When we went outside, he said, "You don't need a ride home, right?"

I looked over at my car and regretted not leaving it home so he could probably take me home and we could end the night in the most cliché, romantic way - with a kiss. That's what I wanted but I knew that something like that probably didn't cross Eli's mind.

"No, I'm good."

"See you sometime then. I had fun."

"Me, too," I said, staring at him for what seemed like a while, hoping for a goodbye hug that I didn't see happening. "Goodbye."

I turned around, one last time. I watched him walk away with his hands in his pocket and his head straight forward to where he was heading to. He eventually disappeared out of my sight but I still felt like I could see him.

I smiled at the fact that this was the most fun I've had from something that wasn't a date.

All I remember was the fog, full moon, and the sounds of silence.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I really appreciate the increase in favorites and follows. I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

* * *

Chapter 7

"Clare, it _was_ a date," Alli said emphatically, reaching for my hand to squeeze it with assurance.

"I don't know, Alli. I mean, did you guys kiss? Did he compliment the way you looked?" Jenna asked me, causing even more confusion.

We were in my apartment, having finished watching a movie and now we were catching up. Alli was busy with work and Jenna's relationship was easygoing. My life, on the other hand, was at question when it came to the type of relationship I had with Eli.

"No, he didn't," I said solemnly, tired about speaking of Eli. "But it doesn't matter. I'm fine with being friends."

"Sure you are," Alli hymned.

"Let's change topics," I finally said.

"I'll start," Alli said excitedly. "Dallas mentioned marriage the other day."

"Holy shit," I said, both girls stared at me, slightly surprised that I cursed. "It's just that this sounds so surreal. Marriage, Alli? Last month you said you didn't want to be tied down."

"I know, I know," Alli sighed, a grin spreading on her face. "I thought so too but, when I think about it, I want to get married and have kids even though my job is demanding. Maybe just marrying Dallas can happen now and kids later. We're 23 and have been together for almost five years, I think that it's more than appropriate to mention it."

"Well, I'm ecstatic," Jenna squealed, reaching to grab Alli. "I can finally be a maid of honor!"

Alli laughed and I did too but I was disappointed that Jenna was closer to Alli than I was. Alli and I have been through a lot but so have she and Jenna. My job is so unexpected and they live so far that it's hard to catch up. Alli noticed my discomfort and when Jenna left to the bathroom, she scooted closer to me.

"It's not like I'm actually getting married but if I had to choose someone as my maid of honor, it'd be you."

"Really? I mean, I know I haven't been a good friend for the past year and we haven't seen each other that much."

"So what, Clare? One year! You and I have been through so much for nine years."

Although Alli said those kind words, I didn't feel the sincerity behind them. I knew she was saying it because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. The truth was: we weren't as close as we used to be and that was something party uncontrollable and partly my fault. I regretted not putting enough effort into our friendship. I regretted choosing a life of unexpected isolation. But, in that moment, I didn't regret having to pretend that things were the same between us.

"Thanks, Alli."

* * *

On Friday, I went to work and everything was the same except that Kathy wasn't there because she called in sick but I suspected that she was busy spending time with Kevin.

Out of nowhere, someone tapped on my shoulder and I saw Lenny hovering over me with a huge grin plastered on his face.

"Yes?"

"I just spoke with Adam on the phone," Lenny said enthusiastically. "I'm going to head out to the amphitheater soon, like in an hour. Wanna come? Since he's your friend and all."

"Uhh," I said, looking at the boatload of paperwork in front of me. "I have this story due soon. I'll let you know in half an hour if I'm going."

"Sure thing," Lenny said, leaving already. "It's supposed to be fun though. Other bands are gonna be there and Adam is friends with this moderately famous playwright who's probably going as well."

My thoughts went straight to Eli and as pathetic as it was, I gained more motivation to finish my story so I could go and see him.

I eventually finished and rushed to find Lenny. I knocked on his door and Michael opened it.

"Hi there," he said warmly, throwing me off guard.

"Hi," I said tentatively. "Is Lenny here? Did I get the wrong office?"

"No, no, he just went to go give something to someone," Michael said kindly. "I'm just here because I'm sharing this office with him for now. There's something wrong with the electricity in my office."

"I see," I said understandingly, waiting by the door.

"You want to enter and wait?"

"Oh, sure."

"What's your name again?" Michael asked, pulling up a chair for me to sit on. "Sorry, I'm terrible with names."

"Clare."

"Ah, that's right," Michael said, heading towards a cabinet and looking through several papers. "So, how long have you been working here?"

"Almost a year," I said, feeling more and more uncomfortable with this conversation.

Finally, the door opened and Lenny walked through.

"Clare? I'm taking that you being here means that you're coming?"

"Yeah, are we heading out now?"

"Just give me a minute," Lenny said, grabbing his laptop and jacket. "It's not too far from here so do you mind if I make a short stop along the way to buy some lunch?"

"I have no problem with that," I smiled as we both headed towards the door.

I turned around and gave Michael a short wave that he responded with a grin.

"See you around, Clare."

By the time I heard that, I was out of the door and he was out of my mind.

* * *

"Holy shit, he's here! He's really here?" Adam yelped, unfazed by reality. "I can't perform, I'm so nervous."

"Relax, Adam, you'll do fine," I reassured him. "You and your band will do fine."

I looked around and saw the rest of his band mates tuning their instruments.

"Clare, this is Imogen, Zack, Brendan and Sasha " Adam said, introducing me to everyone. "Imogen and I are only the originals left. We lost touch with the others since high school."

I noticed that Imogen was the same girl I saw Eli with on the night of the play. So she was the costume designer with the rich girlfriend in New York.

"Hi, Clare," they all said in unison.

Imogen walked towards me and crossed her arms, a playful smirk on her lips.

"So you're the friendly journalist."

"That would be me," I said bashfully. "And you're the costume designer and part-time architect."

"Eli spoke about me?" She asked, beginning to jump up and down. "I love it when people talk about me - good things, of course!"

"Yeah, he said that you're really talented."

"Oh gosh, he's so sweet!" Imogen smiled, leaning towards me with open arms.

I hugged her back and found it refreshing to find someone so friendly. I was usually considered a reserved person. Because of that, I felt slightly awkward around her beaming personality.

"Thanks for this opportunity!" Imogen said, letting go of me. "I'm not too into this whole band thing but I know that it means a lot to Adam and the other band mates so thanks!"

"Oh, it's really no problem. I wish you guys luck," I said sincerely, looking around. "I should leave you guys to practice...is Eli here?"

"He's not coming," Adam said, briefly turning around.

Imogen seemed uncomfortable and walked away. Adam was quiet and focused on tuning his guitar. Aside from my disappointment of not seeing him, I found it weird that Eli wouldn't come to see and support his two best friends.

"Is he busy with play rehearsals?"

Adam gave me a weird look but his expression soon changed to a quick smile, "Yeah, that's it! He's working on his play!"

I could tell he was hiding something but I didn't want to bother Adam or Imogen anymore, so that it wouldn't be obvious that I deeply cared about Eli's absence. Although, that was the truth.

I walked away to sit with the audience and waited to hear Adam's band play.

But, throughout the entire time, I kept glancing back at the door - having some hope that Eli would arrive.

He never did.

* * *

After WhisperHug's successful performance, Lenny wrote the review but told me that he forgot to take pictures. Lenny was about to send Johnny, the Interpreter's Entertainment section photographer, to get a picture of Adam and Imogen since they were the leading members. Yet, Johnny was busy with so many stories. Plus, the review was going to be posted on Lenny's personal music blog - not the Interpreter - since we hadn't cleared the story with his editor. But it didn't matter because thousands daily visited Lenny's blog.

Lenny was slumped with stories and I offered to go see Adam and Imogen to take their picture. Of course, I had the thought of possibly seeing Eli on my mind.

I hated thinking about him all the time. But, since last Friday, when we went to go see a movie, we had only texted.

Most of our texts were initiated by him so I took it as a gesture of him liking our friendship. Yet, for the past three days, I haven't heard a thing from Eli. I texted him yesterday but I didn't get a reply. I tried to convince myself that he was busy or that his phone was being weird again, like last time. Still, there was that lingering fear that believed he saw the messages and ignored them because he didn't feel like talking to me because he got bored or annoyed of me.

I arrived to the theater and I noticed that the parking lot was empty except for two cars.

I knocked at the gate and a security guard showed up.

"Sorry, miss, no one is allowed here today."

"Is Adam Torres here? Imogen Moreno?"

"Mr. Torres is here, who are you?"

"Clare Edwards, reporter for the Interpreter," I said, showing my badge. "I have to take a picture of him for an article."

"No one said anything of a photographer stopping by today, and if you're lying to me, I'm the one who gets in trouble," he said tiredly.

"I'm not lying," I said brusquely, pulling out a copy of Lenny's article. "Look, it's the article that's going to be published. If you don't believe me, you can ask Mr. Torres to come out here to verify."

The guard sighed, gave up and finally let me through.

I walked through the theater and didn't find anyone. I eventually bumped into someone and heard glass shatter.

"Shit."

It was Adam.

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, it's fine - just some tea," Adam sighed, reaching for a broom and towel. "What are you doing here? There are no rehearsals today so it's pretty lonely here. I'm just here to, uh, gather some things I left."

"I need to take a picture of you and Imogen for Lenny's article."

"Oh, okay," Adam said, softly smiling and looking up. "So were we good?"

"I should clean that up," I offered.

"No, it's fine, I got it," he dismissed, letting out a soft chuckle. "So, I repeat, were we good?"

"You guys were awesome. Lenny wrote an amazing article on you guys, you're gonna get so much exposure."

"Awesome," Adam said, less excited than I had imagined. "Imogen's not here and I think it's best if we include pictures of the entire band. I'll get a lot of shit from them if they're not included."

"Well, I can take head shots of you all?"

"That sounds great," Adam said, throwing the glass away. "Imogen doesn't live too far from here and the other band mates conveniently live in this apartment half an hour away. They're always home so I can give you their address."

"Sounds perfect."

"Okay, I'm just gonna go find some paper to write their address. I left my phone in my car so I'll go get it, okay?"

I nodded and Adam left. Soon after, I heard someone call Adam's name. It sounded like Eli. I headed towards a room that looked like an office.

In there, I saw Eli curled up on a couch, with his eyes closed. The curtains were close and the lights were dimmed.

"You can leave, Adam. I just want to stay here."

"Adam is outside," I said.

Eli turned around and opened his eyes. They seemed so lifeless. He looked so tired and pale. I tried not to stare too long.

"Clare?"

"Hi," I awkwardly said, uncontrollably smiling. "I'm here because I need to take pictures for this article. I just came to this room because I heard you call Adam's name."

Eli turned his back to me and stayed quiet.

"So, why didn't you come to Imogen and Adam's gig yesterday? They were great," I said softly, feeling awkward.

"I didn't fucking feel like it," Eli said in a harsh tone that was alien to me.

"Oh, I see."

Eli turned around and glared at me, letting out a sad sigh, "Can you go? I want to be left alone."

I stood still, my eyes wide open and my stomach churning. I didn't understand his attitude. I wondered what changed between us or if I unknowingly did something.

"Eli, is there something wrong?"

"No," he groaned.

"Are you alright," I asked, walking closer to him.

"I said leave!"

He looked so angry and sad. I stared into his eyes for a while, trying to let what happened sink him. Eli turned around again and let out a loud sigh. I rushed out of the room and tried to hold my tears in, trying to prevent both embarrassment and pain corrode me.

I walked outside and saw Adam. I tried to think about anything to keep me from crying. I thought about work, about the weather, about anything but Eli and sadness.

"Hey, Clare," Adam said, carefully surveying my expression. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"You seem shaky," he said hesitantly.

"It was so cold inside there," I laughed - how I managed to smile, I don't know. "So can I take your picture now?"

"Yeah, okay," Adam said, quickly fixing his hair. "How do I look?"

"Great," I said, barely keeping a straight voice.

After we were done with the picture, Adam gave me the addresses. I went to every house and took four pictures in three hours - everyone was so happy in each photograph. And, each time, someone asked if I was alright.

I wasn't. I wish I was but Eli already managed to have power over my emotions. I didn't want to but when I got home, I briefly cried. Only for some minutes until I realized that he wasn't worth it. Until I realized that I didn't have a reason to. We were barely friends. I didn't matter much to him. He wasn't supposed to mean much to me in such short time. I guess it's in that moment that I realized how much I liked him. I didn't want to get out of bed or open my eyes.

I went to sleep and although Eli hurt my feelings with his harshness, I still hoped he was alright.


End file.
